


sleeping pills and late night films

by casualmarches



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Disassociation, Gen, like seriously this is just one big fuckball of depression, nothing is happy here, told in snippets that probably don't make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 09:59:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11228634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casualmarches/pseuds/casualmarches
Summary: josh is shaky hands and bouncy knees, vacant stares and absent nodding.not real. notreal.





	sleeping pills and late night films

**Author's Note:**

> i don't really know what this is. it's more of a vent fic than anything. i'm not saying josh deals with derealization, it's just a nice idea for my projecting ass.
> 
> and non-capitalized writing is my jam.

it's summer.

josh is on stage. he sees tyler, in the corner of his eye, saying something to the roaring crowd. he can't hear it.

the sun sets. he blinks.

-

he's on the tour bus. everyone else is asleep, soft snores coming from closed bunks. dim light filters in through his curtains. everything sways, and josh breathes.

not real. not _real_.

-

they're doing an interview. tyler is big smiles and honest answers. josh is shaky hands and bouncy knees, vacant stares and absent nodding.

the interviewer doesn't ask him anything. josh doesn't think he'll be able to answer if they did.

-

"hey, man, are you okay?" tyler asks. they're in their dressing room, hands and neck decorated with black and eyes coated with red. "you've been acting different."

josh pauses. is it that obvious?

"i'm fine. just haven't been getting a lot of sleep." that's true, anyway. he can't sleep. from tossing and turning to late night panic attacks, there's a feeling of exhaustion he can't quite shake.

"huh." tyler can hear the false tone in his voice, but neither acknowledge it. "be sure to get some, then."

-

hotel rooms are always cold, josh notices. he's not sure if it's universal or he just has shitty luck with the hotels he gets, but he's freezing.

he's stood in the bathroom. tyler is somewhere out with jenna. a date night, he said.

the light flickers.

tears burn in his eyes, and he lets them fall as he stares at the mirror, at the person staring back at him. why can't he be normal? this isn't normal. he's read articles, watched youtube videos, the word replaying in his mind whenever it gets the chance.

_derealization - a feeling that one's surroundings are not real, especially as a symptom of mental disturbance._

but how does he know it's actually mental disturbance? how does he know he's not dreaming, and that he's not going to wake up in his bed? how does he know he's not in a coma, a book, a figment of someone's imagination?

how does he know he's not dead?

that's what scares him the most. not being real. his entire life, tyler and the fans and the shows and what they've built up, not being real. everything broken pieces from an art discarded.

josh punches the mirror. it shatters. at the same time, it doesn't.


End file.
